just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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