I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
