My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
