What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
