I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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