Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
