I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
