Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
