i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
