Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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