Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
