I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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