We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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