Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My vagina is very pro this idea
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
