My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
