Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
