It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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