Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
