Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
