I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
