proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
worst night to have a conscience
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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