Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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