Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
