none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
