Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
