I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
