...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Swine flu. Run for my life!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
