my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
