Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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