The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
