Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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