HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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