I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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