I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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