It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
