My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
