Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
