is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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