farters have to be the big spoon...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This beer is not sobering me up at all
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
