Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You dont lie about slip and slides
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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