Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
