Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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