yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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