Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
