DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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