He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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