Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
