I think I died a long time ago.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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