who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What did we do last night that was yellow?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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