Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
