i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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