seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
