I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
