bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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